Picture Perfect Paranoia

As if anime fans don’t get enough lovin‘, here’s Answerman’s take on a how-to dating tips for otaku guys picking up… well, you know, other otaku?

I’m not sure why you would write to a heterosexual male for advice on how to pick up dudes, but then again, you sound like you’re actually having trouble shooting fish in a barrel so I’ll do what I can to help you out.

Picking up otaku guys is easy. Here are the general qualifications you need to meet to pick up a (straight) fanboy:

• Female

Once you’ve got that down, the rest is easy. Be yourself, be friendly, strike up a conversation when the moment’s right, don’t play hard to get, yadda yadda, all the things that make you appear available and interested. If you’re friendly and outgoing around the guy you like and he reciprocates, you’re on the right path. And remember, what I said last time applies to you as well: simply having one thing in common does not a solid relationship make. If you’re chasing a guy and it turns out that the only thing you have in common is a love of Japanese cartoons, then there isn’t enough there to build a relationship on. Friendship yes, romance no. Just keep that in mind.

If you’re still having trouble after all that, though, here are a few foolproof dating tips to help you navigate the fanboy jungle and find your Purinsu Chaamingu.

1. Some fanboys can be shy when it comes to women, so consider dressing like a man; wear a fake beard, buy a few plus-sized Gundam shirts to conceal your chest, and ingratiate yourself to his friends. In a few months, when you’ve bonded over Mario Kart tournaments and Newtype centerfolds, find the right quiet moment and kiss him. Then pull off the beard, and reveal that you were a girl the whole time! Be careful, though; if he asks you to put the beard back on and kiss him again, you’ve taken it too far.

2. If you’re dating a guy who’s really in to lolicon, and you’re over 10 years old, you’re already at a big disadvantage. Consider anti-aging makeup, and a wardrobe overhaul that includes lots of frilly dresses. The bushes next to the grade school playground are an ideal spot for a first date.

3. In the fanboy world, there’s nothing hotter than a girl who likes video games. If you don’t like video games, just fake it. If you’re no good at faking it, just buy a Super Mario costume, cut the crotch out and pose suggestively on his bed. He’ll be putty in your hands.Yeah you heard me right. Get your inner yaoi feelings ready for some advice from a man known to pick up his fair share of otaku chicks, lol.